Mom jeans with plastic knees: A sign of the end times?
When I first became a mom and started stockpiling manuals like winter provisions for the dark, bewildering days ahead (The baby! It cries again! Grab the Weissbluth!) I noticed an inordinate amount of advice centered around burp cloths and their indispensability.
When my maternity leave ended, cheerful working mom blogs warned of a common fate that might befall me: Oatmeal on the shoulder. (Or spit-up on the shoulder. The stories varied.) "Always check a mirror before meetings!" they implored.
Apparently, I thought, being a mom is largely about wiping things off your clothes. (Turns out it’s not.)
Topshop has now taken this assumption to a new low with clear panel mom jeans, $95 jeans with a high-waist, tapered leg, multiple pockets and CLEAR PLASTIC PANELS COVERING YOUR KNEES.
So we can sponge off oatmeal spills? In case we kneel on Play-Doh?
"Off-duty styling never looked so good," the product description reads.
The product description is lying.
I encourage you to type "clear panel mom jeans" into Twitter to check some of the more hilarious reactions, but I’ll warn you: The internet will respond by placing ads for clear panel mom jeans along the side of every site you visit for the next few days. (I’m actually canceling my Internet and moving to a remote archipelago as soon as I’m off deadline to escape those ads.)
Nordstrom sells the jeans online ("slick plastic panels bare your knees for a futuristic feel"), and the reviews are priceless.
"I’m very forgetful, so when I saw these I immediately knew they could help me stay organized. I use washable markers and write reminders and my grocery list on the see-through inserts. For extra style, I use different colors and draw flowers. Then when my tasks are done, I wipe them clean and start over!"
"Finally! Something that shows off when I shave not just my ankles, but ALL THE WAY TO MY KNEES!"
"I need an explanation. Is this an actual product or a prank?"
I can’t help but wonder: Do we wear them with our mom hair or no?
The Washington Times couldn’t resist making the jeans political.
"So, just to be clear," the newspaper wrote Tuesday (clear! lol!), "you can no longer buy a pair of Ivanka Trump’s shoes at Nordstrom — but you can buy a pair of clear-knee mom jeans."
What a time to be alive.
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